“He loves me.”

“He loves me,” I think as tears sting my eyes. I take a shot of alcohol feeling it burn as it courses inside. “He loves me,” I think as my hands start to shake. I grip the bottle tighter, wishing I wasn’t at hell’s bay. “He loves me,” I think as I feel a weight within. I take another swig as I begin to sink. “He loves me,” I say and suddenly nothing seems real. I chug down the bottle down because I couldn’t bare to feel. “He loves me,” I laugh too dizzy to even think. He’s in love with a girl who’s dancing on the brink.

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Jane Doe

The water crashed upon the stream
Where the skull was thrown but it couldn’t seem
To wash away the silent scream
Of darling Jane Doe

The lavatory reeked of bleach
He scrubbed and scrubbed mindlessly
Unfeeling towards the entrails that seethed
In the eerie afterglow

The room showed nothing clear to eye
But a lack of humanity was in the vibe
They looked a little closer and they spied
The blood of darling Jane Doe

No liquid in the world could’ve made him clean
One never escapes a murder scene
Behind bars rests the wolverine
Who knew the name of darling Jane Doe

Concealed

Concealed

Take a seat in the corner of the party room
People talking
Glasses clinking
But I just want to be alone

Sideways glances
Muster a smile
Make small talk with a peer
But they’ll leave just as soon as they came
Because you don’t seem to have the cheer

Music blasting
Head is pounding
The crowd moving to the beat
You’re left to feel all out of place
So you escape out onto the street

Start to make the long walk home
No sound but the click of your heels
You’re never gonna get anywhere if you’re always this concealed

There Is A Voice

There Is A Voice

there is a voice

that i hear in my mind

it has stripped me of bliss

or emotion of any kind

there is a voice

my soul it imbued

that voice is my friend

but my enemy too

there is a voice

telling me what to do

to put down the food

there are ice cubes to chew

there is a voice

shall i listen to it

a path to perfection

if i dare commit

there is a voice

it has changed my view of life

acceptance is limited

especially of i

there is a voice

it has tarnished what beauty is

it’s the devil hiding

behind angel wings

there is a voice

it has driven me insane

transforming serene pavement

into a rocky terrain

there is a voice

like a chain

from which i should break free

but if i abstain

what will become of me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is something I wrote a while ago when I struggled with disordered eating and other stuff, but I’ve gotten better. If you’ve ever had to go through something like this, I’m sorry. Stay strong. Your worth is not defined by your appearance or a number on a scale.

Don’t You Dare

Don’t You Dare

I knew that you would be different
The moment that I met your eyes
I was entranced and could not prevent
Being entangled in your yard of vines
I’m just a pawn in your twisted game
I’m way too wild for you to tame

Now there’s no way you can change my mind
Drew enough straws to last a lifetime
I’ll take a knife and I’ll slash the ties
Go ahead and patronize
You knew my weaknesses and used them
To keep my pinned down
But I’ve pulled the stem
So don’t you dare try to justify
Love has limits
And you crossed the line

I lied and said that you wouldn’t be
Exactly what I feared you would
You really did get the best of me
But now you’ll only get the worst
My friends were right when they all said
When it comes to love you shouldn’t be underfed

So don’t you dare apologize
I’ve heard all that I need to
It’s not like you could go back in time
And the future has no place for you
This war of what I felt and what I knew
Has gone on long enough
I’ve called a truce
Yes I know that it took a while
But I can finally say I don’t need you

I’m aware that we’ve been over this before
But that was when I still looked back at the open door
Now I look back and know that’s no place for me
And with that has come a newfound peace

So don’t you re-enter my life
I’m only steering clear of you
What we had was worthwhile
But not enough to continue
You were black and I was blue
The perfect remedy for a bruise
Now don’t you dare try to cross the line
I’m off so much better without you

“Speak Up”

“Speak Up”

You claw at me and mess with my head
Scratch by scratch you tear me to shreds
Then you ask me “hey what’s wrong?”
And I’m tempted to tell you what I thought all along
I open my mouth but no words come out
I’m afraid if they do, your claws will too